Dominika

Jul

2023

The Birth Story of Miriam Yadah

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps...

I had the whole pregnancy to plan for my birth. I am naturally a planner, try to control as much as I can and also, wanted to have a great birth… because, why not.

But… birth is hard to plan. You just never know how it will go. The body does what it wants, the baby does what it wants and one just must surrender to that.

That said, I still had my preferences, goals and specific desires for this birth. And before I start the story, I must say that I got all the important things and it was overall the most beautiful experience. But to avoid romanticizing it, it also was hard and painful and I am still processing THAT part.

I feel like my story started before this baby was even conceived, but I’m not gonna go there right now.

Traditionally, my births were straightforward and fast ( except the first one ). While I was aware that this birth might be different, I expected it to go like the previous ones. If the baby didn’t come by the due date, I was planning to pump to start labor a few days after, just like I did with Joshua- #4 and it worked fast and the birth was fast.

The pumping day

Aside from struggling with weeks of angry uterus, my labor story started when part of my birth team met in my house to hang out and be ready for whenever the pump would start contractions and I’d have the baby soon after that. Well, at least that’s what we expected.

But this child had a different plans. I had everything ready. The make up, the hair, the feast, the house, the thank you gifts ( backyard eggs and home made sour dough bread )…

That day ended with some tears and then a surrender. As I accepted that the baby and my body didn’t quite agree with MY plan and timing.

So I went on being pregnant, extremely uncomfortable, emotionally drained and waiting on that sweet baby.

I tried a bit of pumping again a few days later. That evening I started getting some strong contractions, but nothing consistent. I got few of them through the night and the next day, Thursday I woke up all crampy, grumpy and overall filing icky. I’d have intense contractions, but pretty spread apart… 1-3 in an hour, maybe. But my body was showing signs that labor could be near.

Those previous weeks were pretty confusing for me. I found myself being humbled quite a bit. Because with all the experience and extra education I have, I kept constantly answering questions by… ‘I don’t know’. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t know when baby will come…

There were number of occasions when I thought ‘maybe tonight’ and then nothing happened.

I was hoping to be a low maintenance client for my midwife, yet I found myself behaving like a first timer, confused and like I knew nothing.

The day of labor

Back to that Thursday. Deep inside, I had a feeling that I was dealing with a malpositioned baby and my intuition was telling me that I needed some rebozo work done. But Nathan worked a long day at work and I didn’t quite reach out to anyone for help. That’s on me… asking for help is hard and I didn’t want to bother anyone.

Evening came though and the contractions finally started to come closer together, intense but a wonky pattern. We put the kids to bed, turned on a movie and I was just sitting, trying to time them. The feeling was so intense. The little head was rubbing so strongly on my insides. At one point I got up to go downstairs to use the bathroom. I couldn’t even walk. I was literally hanging on Nathan. Then I couldn’t get up from the toiled. I felt like my pelvis and cervix were being drilled and sawed apart.

I typed a long text to my midwife, trying to explain what’s going on and I hesitated to send it, not wanting to alarm her if this will turn into nothing again, or my pride came in, I didn’t want to sound like an idiot, not knowing what’s going on… like, c’mon. I’m a freaking birth worker. I’ve birthed babies like a pro…. Once again, I felt humbled. I was a mess… hanging onto Nathan, not able to stand or do anything. He decided to call the midwife. While I was still saying that I don’t know if this is ‘IT’ and I would absolutely hate her to drive up from Anchorage if this turned into nothing, or if it was gonna take forever. The previous weeks made it hard to trust my body. Bethel said she’d be on the way shortly, though. With the next contractions I uttered for Nathan to ‘call the ladies’ – the rest of my birth team.

They got to my house quite quickly.

We got the pool going and I hopped in. I felt immediate relief, which made me doubt my labor and worry that it would now stop. That relief didn’t last long though. Soon enough, I felt my pelvis being shred apart again.

Here is where I should pause and say… I have experienced intense fast labors. Fast labors are crazy intense, the contractions being super intense… I am used to intense. I can do intense… this though, this was a whole different level of intense. It’s like, the intensity of the contraction itself was overpowered by the ridiculous pain of THE HEAD, being so present in there.

I kept commenting about the head. I found myself fearing the next contraction, saying NO, NO, NO…. I can’t, I can’t…. and then I’d doula myself and say… I CAN- but I didn’t really believe that. I thought I was being torn apart. I started feeling a pushy urge with some contractions. Soon the midwives came and I was SO thankful that they made it in time.

I adore Bethel and it was so important for me that she’d be there. Not because I NEEDED a midwife there. I wasn’t afraid to birth my baby, if they didn’t make it in time. But I WANTED her there, because of what she means for me.

'Midwife' - With Women

She sat by the pool and smiled beautifully…

After a full blown push, I said that I think I’m pushing. That was a sign for my team to gather the kids.

I don’t know how many times I pushed. A few maybe and at one point my water broke. The force of it made me kinda jump. But after that, I felt baby was coming full force. I yelled at them to get the kids. Having all the kids there was the most important thing for me. Second most important thing was having pictures taken, lol.

I pushed hard. I felt an intensely burning feeling. I thought I tore up to my belly button.

I looked around, freaked out… the intensity of it all overtook me. I stare at my midwife, while she is calmly sitting by the pool, with her hands nowhere near my body.

You see, I made my whole birth team aware of my desire to catch my own baby. It was important for me to be supported in that. As previously, with fast births and midwives always ready to do that for me, I just never got to.

This time, Bethel just says: “You got this. The head is out.”

And the (not so ) little head was coming out in posterior position… which explains a lot of the labor behavior and the crazy intense pain.

The Birth

Typically, after the head is out, the body comes with the next push. But not this time. I knew the baby was gonna be big and for a split of a second I thought, what if it’s shoulder dystocia? You know, when you know too much… haha.

I saw and felt the baby turn a bit and the next push brought the shoulders out and part of the body out.

I reached out, and pulled the baby out of me and the water.

This was the most powerful moment ever!

My comment: “This was BRUTAL”.

Nathan’s comment: “So, what are the chances the hair will stay dark?”

Everyone chuckled.

Boy or a girl?

After we all calmed down, we looked at what gender the baby was.

Nathan and I both had thought that it was a girl. I had had a first name for a boy and a girl for a long time, but only a girl middle name was given to me. I felt it was a girl…

But when we were going to look, I had to move the umbilical cord to see and for a split of a second, I freaked out… what if it’s a boy?

But sure enough, it was a girl. Such a sweet feeling as I thought to myself and even said it out loud…. It’s been you. This whole time, it’s been you…

Miriam Yadah Buck… born on June 1st at 10:35pm.

“Whenever and however you give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body, and your spirit for the rest of your life,” ~ I.M.Gaskin

It was hard.
And it was PERFECT!

If you asked me how long the labor was, I could’t tell…. It felt like weeks… but I guess from the time the contractions started getting more frequent around dinner time, maybe something over 4 hours. I felt like I was in early labor the whole day, though.

The pain took some processing, but it was all so worth it.

While planning for the birth, I had to consider an extremely fast birth and the reality, that there might not be time for some things… like filling up the pool, the midwife getting there in time, the friend that was taking my photos getting there… I had prepared everything ahead as much as I could. My other friends learned how to use my camera for pictures and I gave Nathan simple instructions on what to hand me, if I ended up birthing alone.

But it all worked out so well. Everyone made it in time. I got into the pool. The kids witnessed the birth of their long awaited, prayed for and adored baby sister. I got birth photos…

And I GOT TO CATCH MY OWN BABY!!!

I am so thankful for the amazing experience and thankful to the people that supported me.

It was empowering. Memorable. Perfect.

Feb

2022

The Questions People Don’t Ask About Postpartum

The Questions People Don't Ask About Postpartum

As a birth a postpartum doula, I naturally get asked questions.
Most commonly asked questions are about breastfeeding, baby products, and postpartum products.
Those are good questions and I am happy to answer them.

But the postpartum isn’t only about breastfeeding and your baby and your perineum.
The postpartum is deep and vast and is about your whole body recovery, hormonal balance, replenishing your nutrients, and rediscovering yourself.

You see, the postpartum has been quite neglected in our society. Most of the time when you ask your provider about how to eat in the postpartum, they tell you to just eat normal, as you ate before pregnancy. And do you even ask? Is that something you even think about?

Nobody, other than possibly your doula, will ask you about your plans for the postpartum.

When I mention postpartum, everyone imagines the first couple days or weeks… the soreness of your bottom or incision, the bleeding, the baby snuggles, the emotional rollercoaster, the leaking breasts… and so on.

But do we ever stop to think about how huge the event of childbirth is for your body?
How it affects the processes of your body, how it changes you, how much internal healing is going on, and how desperately your body needs your support?

It is because of the lack of attention and education about postpartum, that the common understanding is, that postpartum is hard.

So if you’re pregnant or even if you’re planning to get pregnant, you can already start educating yourself about postpartum and planning according to that new found knowledge.

" What if, instead of saying and expecting that postpartum is hard, we can say that postpartum is blissful, life transforming and abundant? "

Here are some questions I wish people asked me about postpartum.

What type of support will I need from my community and how can I get the support I need?

Think about what it takes to manage your household. Help with older children? Cleaning the house? Cooking meals for the family? Ask your friends for specific physical help or financial help to hire a professional for these tasks.
Think about what will you need for yourself? How can you get a break? What activity fills you up and what or who do you need, to make it possible for you to do?
How can you maximize the quantity of your sleep ?
What should I eat in postpartum?
In my opinion, the postpartum diet is even more demanding than pregnancy diet.
Think about foods high in fat, protein and other nutrients that are easily digestible, so your body can actually receive and process the nutrients. Avoid anything that’s processed and inflammatory to not over-burden your body.
I teach a class on Postpartum Recovery Nutrition. You can find more information about it here.
How can I support my hormones and mental health?
First of all, proper postpartum nutrition is a must. Quantity of sleep is necessary. Decreasing the amount of stress in your life and increasing the times of peace and happiness will allow your body to function properly.
How can I support my hormones and mental health?

First of all, proper postpartum nutrition is a must. Quantity of sleep is necessary. Decreasing the amount of stress in your life and increasing the times of peace and happiness will allow your body to function properly.
How can I support my body in physical recovery?

Once again, nutrition and rest is crucial. Herbs and some extra supplements can help with healing and nutrient replenishment but that can not replace proper nutrition. Have patience with your body and realistic expectations on what you can and cannot do… or should and shouldn’t do.

I will cover and answer these questions more in depth in the future posts.

If you take anything from reading this, please remember how much there IS to know about postpartum. Ask the hard and deep questions. And set up support for yourself to aid in your recovery and wellness in the early months or even years of the postpartum season.

The support may look different for everyone. For some it can be family and friends.

For others it can look like hiring a postpartum doula.

But to experience a long-term, in depth healing and wellness, one on one coaching support with the preparation before and/or the healing journey after childbirth may be the right thing for YOU!

Motherhood is full and can feel overwhelming. Sometimes we just need someone to help us sort through the feelings, set some goals and put some achievable steps towards recovery, wellness and abundance into place.
And I’d happily help with that. I’ve walked the journey. I can walk it with you too. You are NOT alone. And motherhood should NOT be hard.

If you need support on the journey of healing in the first couple years of postpartum, OR if you’re pregnant and determined to OWN your postpartum and motherhood experience, reach out now.
Let’s schedule a call and see if one on one support is something that would benefit you.